16 April 1905

"In this world, time is like a flow of water, occasionally displaced by a bit of debris, a passing breeze. Now and then, some cosmic disturbance will cause a rivulet of time to turn away from the mainstream, to make connection backstream. When this happens, birds, soil, people caught in the branching tributary find themselves suddenly carried to the past." - Alan Lightman, Einstein's Dreams.

Einstein's Dreams is one of the most engaging novels I have read recently. I thoroughly enjoyed each page and found that once I began reading, I couldn't put it down. As I read, each story broke my heart a little bit, but at the same time I became enamored with the inventive theories of how time could be explained. I fell in love with Einstein's theories and realized how many of them I had thought about before. In particular was the theory presented in the April 16th entry, time travel.



Recently, without regard to how my actions could change the future, I have wished that I could travel back in time. I have always been incredibly fascinated by the fact that each decision I have made in my life, if changed, could radically alter everything I've known up until now.

What if I: applied to Carver and didn't go to Catonsville, decided to take Spanish instead of French, had gone out on that date, decided that it wasn't worth being friends with a backstabber, told him I didn't like him (even if it was a lie), hadn't gone back for more, had gone to MICA or Corcoran, hadn't decided that I wanted to get away from home, called him once in a while just to check in, hadn't given him the cold shoulder, had taken him more seriously the last few months I knew him, had just asked how he was doing, had let him kiss me, hadn't made a joke about him crying, had showed I cared.

I would take a lot back, change a lot of things, if I could make things turn out differently. Time is a funny thing, you never know when you're running out of it. I wonder what would happen if even one of the smallest threads that have been woven together to create the tapestry of my life for the past 6 years was altered. I guess the reason we must say, live life with no regrets, is because we can't change the past. But sometimes I believe that time travel could erase that notion because maybe if we could change the mistakes we have made, there wouldn't be anything to regret.

I guess I should just burst my bubble already because it's really just futile to think about all of this for one reason: time travel is impossible because of the grandfather paradox. Imagine that you build a machine that can transport you throughout time. It is possible for you to travel back in time, and meet your grandfather before he has any kids and kill him. If this happened, you would never have been born and the machine would never have been built. Thus, a paradox. I mean, look at Back to the Future, Marty almost completely disappeared from that picture!

It is nice to take a break from reality once in a while to dream though, isn't it?

"Nosce te Ipsum"